Wednesday, April 19, 2006

A guide to the hunt...

When hunting the fupa, it is important to keep several things in mind. Fupa are everywhere in this country. Finding them is easy - scoring a photo, however, requires some special skills. Fupa are quick to anger, and the hunter risks attack if a fupa catches him stealing a photo. Be sure to turn off any sound function on the camera, as the noise of a camera shutter can quickly spook the unsuspecting fupa. In order to avoid detection, the hunter may use a camera phone to hide his intentions. He may feign nearsightedness - holding the camera at an arms length and straining as if he is having a difficult time reading the text on the screen - while carefully snapping the picture. Hunters should exercise extreme caution with the flash, and fupa have proven especially sensitive to sudden bright light. The combination of accidental discharge of flash and sound by the over eager hunter have been known to provoke a stampede when trying to steal a quick shot of a large schwaggle.


Hunters should protect themselves by carefully composing shots so that the face of the shy fupa is left out of the frame, as shown in the following example:


Fupa buying hotdogs
When including the face is unavoidable, a quick touch up of the face back at the hunting cabin can disguise the identity of the fupa. From time to time, a hunter may bag a trophy that he is so proud of, that he may leave the face uncovered for all to see. This privilege should be used with much discretion.

Be careful when bagging a fupa to not overlook the opportunity for schwaggle shots. Fupa rarely travel alone. Often, a mid size fupa will accompany a true giant, as he or she feels smaller when traveling with the larger companion. Photos of the two (or more) together are true gems. In the example below, we note the attempt by the larger specimen to appear sexy by using an ankle tattoo. Fupa often feel the need to adorn to body in various ways in an attempt to distract from their girth and affliction. Also note the confident pose of the mid size fupa, which she strikes with pride - glorying in her relative size next to her giant friend.

Hotdog fupa and confident friend


While the classic shot showing the fupa is truely the coup de grace, do not neglect opportunity to highlight other fupa features. These can be chins, fupa fashion statements, and, as seen hear, the fearsome fupa crack:

Fupa crack


As mentioned earlier, fupa are indeed everywhere. They cannot be avoided. Some areas, however, provide very fertile hunting ground for the selective hunter. Food courts and buffets are excellent places to get the always satisfying shot of fupa feeding. As the fupa does not like to move under its own power, waiting areas for elevators and public transportation can be a boon to the hunter going through a dry spell. As shown below, vending machines are prime spots as well. Note the fupa footwear. As weight increases and feet expand to support the mass, traditional footgear is often abandoned in favor of the sandal or slipper.

Birkenstock fupa


Finally, do not mock the fupa. Respectfully marvel at its plight. Wonder at the fact that it exists, and how it might have come into being. Remember, a true sportsman respects the fupa as the nobel goal of the hunt - and to the victor go the spoils.

37 comments:

Marcus said...

it's too bad that they continue to eat crappy food and then wonder why they are in the condition that they are in....

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this blog. I laughed until I cried yesterday.

I don't see this as mean, but instead as social commentary. Continue your gentle people-watching tone instead of the mean making-fun tone and I think you will see this site grow beyond what you could think. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

FREAKIN' HILARIOUS! I'M ON THE HUNT....

p.s. nice examples and commentary

Anonymous said...

I am a highly trained medical professional, and love when my patients complain that they don't know why they can't lose weight when all they eat is pop tarts and gummy bears.

This is a sweet sight. I came upon it in my search for expanding my medical knowledge, and will share it with my peers. Thanks.

ONS Outfitters said...

I wanted to email this to you, but couldn't find any contact information on the site.

I thought you'd enjoy this t-shirt: http://www.onenightstandtshirts.com/fupa.html

dokenbaw said...

My dear friends,

I'm thinking that we should all put some money in a pool and have a contest...in search of Mrs. FUPA USA.

Then...we'll be on the hunt for some Prime FUPA!

Keep 'bulgin'!

-dokenbaw

Jessica said...

heheheheh. Fupa. This is entertaining.

Anonymous said...

Fupaliscious!! this site is HOT-HOT
I can't stop talking, thinking and searching for the FUPA.
It has become my number one quest in the past few weeks, I can't begin to thank you enough for the tips!

Anonymous said...

What a site, been laughing all day long. I am definitely going on the hunt.

Jeffrey said...

Here's something related for your entertainment: here

Radical.Root said...

I've started bagging fupas as best I can, though I admit picking are slim; I'm military, and due to the controlled diets and excercize routines, I am forced to confess this envirnment does not seem to yield a large fupa population. Still, occasionally they meander on base, and I can catch a glimpse of these massive creatures.


www.geocities.com/chaqueroot2/fupas.jpg

www.geocities.com/chaqueroot2/fupas2.jpg

A rare find: two fupas at once!

Anonymous said...

This sight is very clever. I too am a closet FUPA Fighter, yet have never become a FUPA Hunter. I have yet to muster such bravery in the wild.

May I suggest that all Fupa Fighters and Fupa Hunters unite in a letter-writing campaign to local legislators. Just as there are noise pollution ordinances that prevent and issue citations to loud cars, motorcycles, etc. that disturb the peace, why, praytell, is there not similar legislation for SIGHT POLLUTION? Public and overt display of unsightly FUPA is not just a crime against the immediate viewing public, but it's a crime against humanity! Stop the madness, people. Unite and ask local lawmakers to address this all too FUPApalling situation.

Anonymous said...

Kind Sir, because of all your mastery in the art of the F.U.P.A. I ask the God-fupa for only one thing. I have been put on trial for Involuntary man-fupa. And, during these trying times, I ask that you lend me your wisdom and prayers to beat this unjust charge. THE F.U.P.A. MUST BE STOPPED!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm in england, and I can confirm from field observation that the euro-fupa is recognisably of the same genus as the beast of the americas. Mike H.

Anonymous said...

I am a Vegan who will sadly be a FUPA until it ALL goes away. I loooove Veggies, Fruits and Almond Milk....I abhore this crap these people are eating, it honestly smells like puke...Ugh and the clothes they are wearing? Getting a HOT DOG??? EEEEEEWWWWWW.

I guess I will be hunted, but you will be disappointed to know I will be the FUPA ordering the salad with Balsam Vinegar, no cheese, no chicken, xtra Veggies!!!! Yum!

So hunt away because it is inspiration that It will be gone! I got nothing to be ashamed of because I am doing the right thing :O)

Anonymous said...

I sadly didn't get a fupa until I lost weight. I was heavy for many years and lost a significant quantity of weight-- gone for 8 years. But the remains aren't pretty. I now have a FUPA. I am basically a smart, attractive, talented, and creative person. However, I choose to not expose my fupa to the opposite sex. It's just too freaking embarrassing. Maybe I am a pussy. Maybe I should risk it. Whatever.

Anonymous said...

You guys are killing me! I was just introduced to your site by some Bostonians and I cried laughing. Kudos to you for keeping the tone light hearted. I live in Japan and we see lots of Fupa, unfortunately it is usually American or European Fupa, very few Japanese Fupa. I have already alerted some potential hunters in Japan and we will try to send you proof.
BTW, if you are sporting the big 'ole Fupa...DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! For your sake, and ours!

SK-1 signing out.

Watercolorlilly28 said...

I googled your website because I heard someone talking about a "FUPA" the other day and I was curious as to what one was.

So low and behold, I came across this site. I am all for freedom of speech. I think we would live in a terrible society if we were censored. But, I do have to say this is a little over the top.

If you like to spend your time take photos of people who are overweight by all means go right ahead. But, please have respect and not show the person's face. I am sure that would be very humiliating for someone to find your site and see their photo on here. Just think about how you would feel if it was you, your mother, your father, etc.

And I do agree with some of the comments. People should be careful with what they eat. But, seriously have a little respect.

Anonymous said...

Regardless of who took the photo, it is YOUR responsibility as the blog owner to blank out or crop out the faces...unless you really like being sued for everything you have or ever will have. And you will be.

bopper said...

The guide to the Hunt is a most disgusting piece of garbage in the cyberspace. You people should be embarass. People who are heavier aren't necessarily funnier. Its too bad when you can't see your private parts too good. I don't see no humor in that hey.

Anonymous said...

Oh my god, we were havin so much fun, till these liberal douche bags have to come here and tell us that we're mean and this is over the top. Listen you you fuckin liberal dum dum, we dont care what you think. you are boring, you are dum. You liberals are such fuckin commies your gonna tell us whats funny, whats mean, whats good. Newsflash!!! no one cares about you and your opinions, and thats why theres no liberal talk shows. So go save a fuckin tree frog.

Sophia said...

Dear Anonymous directly above me,

in reaction to my utter disbelief at the contents of your post, I find myself automatically marking your comment! I cannot believe you made the following ridiculously ignorant claims (not to mention spelling mistakes), given that you are accusing the opposing party of being "dum(b)". So I assume you are still perfecting your slandering and diatribe-ing skills, hence I offer you, free of charge, some feedback and suggestions for improvement:

a)"fuckin liberal dum dum"
This is an uneducated, puerile and poorly spelled assumption, why not try: "I find your liberal viewpoint ignorant and offensive"

b)"you are boring, you are dum"
This is a rude, poorly spelled, repetitive and unimaginative accusation, why not try: "I am tired of your continuous interference"

c)"You liberals are such fuckin commies "
This is an ignorant, historically and factually incorrect and grossly generalizing jibe supposedly meant to be slanderous, with a strong word thrown in to emphasize said supposed slander. Why not try... one minute, nope, there is no educated way of reproducing this masterpiece of crap.

d)"your gonna tell us whats funny, whats mean, whats good"
Sigh, do I really have to point out how badly misguided this part of the comment is? Apostrophes my dear friend are not optional parts of the English language, learn to use them. "Commies" do not tell you what is funny or not and neither do the other posters in this blog; all they tell you is that they do not find FUPA funny.

e)"no one cares about you and your opinions, and thats why theres no liberal talk shows"

Missing apostrophe aside, this is a self centered, poorly researched and utterly incorrect statement. Why not do some research and discover that in fact, there are many liberal TV programmes and talk shows, such as The Colbert Report and The Daily Show, just to quote some American ones; or others in English: Parkinson, Enough Rope with Andrew Denton, The Chaser's War on Everything; even in Italian: Striscia la Notizia; and that's just off the top of my head and limited to TV only! Imagine what some research and a broader spectrum of media might unearth!

Total Mark for Post: D (minus x5)

Additional Comments:
Bonus marks were awarded for being able to spell at least some words correctly and for efforts made at typing rather than ranting on a street corner.
In future, it would be nice to hear a more articulated and personal opinion through your blog commentary, rather than hearing Bill "ignoramus" O'Reilly dripping from every second syllable.

Post Scriptum: If you have difficulty in understanding my comment, use a dictionary.

Post Post Scriptum: Love the blog guys, FUPA watching is my newly discovered hobby! Any suggestions on FUPA calls, to attract their attention in order to get a better look?

Post Post Post Scriptum; shock! horror! I am indeed a "lefty liberal" myself! Oh no!

Yours cordially, and in full knowledge of the procrastination put in to produce this mini epic,

Sophia

Switchfoot said...

Chodes and fupas reunite

Anonymous said...

yeah listen, all u libs i know you hate facts, but get off the spelling and focus on the issues. see if this is easy enough. libs, they want to burn the flag, create bigger government, raise taxes, and say, you can't buy a gun to protect your family, they tax you when you die, after taxing the hell out you already, they love dictators, they dont like the military, they want government to run healthcare, what a joke, ya canada's health care is great, and your a bigot if you dont want any illegals over here using our emergency rooms and driving up the cost of our healthcare, even though they talk about how horrible it is that 40 million people are uninsured. they will decide when to tell your kids about homosexuality, like in kindergarden, and yeah! sue the boys scouts they're really bad people, get rid of all the nukes and get invaded, yeah we'll just sit down and talk to terrorist's and bad guys they'll be cool, libs will give people jobs based on color, not if they can actually preform the job, oh yeah and the earth is gonna be in flames in seven years, oh wait or is it global cooling again. its so easy to see just how retarded libs are and how their policies fail time and time again. i could go on and on. All I have to do is ask, hey! who are all the uninformed, pot smoking college kids, transvestites, hamas, hugo chavez, putin and all of our enemies that want us dead, who do they want to win this election..hehe you know the answer. barack baby. they know how naive he is. and they also know his followers are a bunch of dumb ass zombies like sophie. but keep fighting that good fight. You mean well. But leave the real shit that matters to us.

Anonymous said...

McCain must be standing very tall now that he lost the election and you are off his nuts. How long did it take this illiterate "dum-dum" to respond to Sophie's blog. One word my friend, HACK.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful!! I live in FUPA heaven which is southern Texas. It's hard to go in public and not see a fupa. You guys are missing out the great fupa action down here.

Anonymous said...

WOW! This site is the funniest thing i've seen in a long time! Great job! And for those who take it as some kind of liberal vs conservative bull$#*^ just realx its all in good humor!

Anonymous said...

I am a FUPA...but thought that this site was freakin hilarious. I did not find it offensive, we should be embarrassed by some pictures so our fat asses lose some weight. The official guide had me cracking up lmfao.

kristen d said...

my boyfriend always joke about making a fupa cam and then i found ur site!! lmao this is good shit

Sydney said...

I am now on the hunt for these human marvels. I've seen plenty and am now so glad to be informed that there is a whole, if you will, species of them.

This is a wonderful blog, thank you.

Anonymous said...

I recently had a discussion with a friend of mine where the acronym FUPA came into play and I was surprised to find out the definition. Where upon I googled FUPA and came across your site. Freaking Awesome!!! One might be inclined to feel guilt for such actions of idolatry fancy for these creatures, but seeing as how all of us are such good sports and for the most part use proper English to articulate our views, I see no harm. Happy Hunting!

Anonymous said...

You know what? This is freakin hilarious!!! And to all you whiners out there, get over it. Everyone is entitled to free speech. And I don't feel one ounce of sympathy for these card-carrying fupa members. They shove the corndogs and burgers in their pie hole and freak out if they have to park more than 15 feet from the door of a store! These lazy people choose not to do anything about it, then complain when others exercise their right to free speech? I had a baby several months ago, to include a C-section. Needless to say, due to the muscles being cut and everything else, I went from being 115 lbs with a 6-pack to a fupa. While I may have a reason for it, guess what? That only goes so far. I was cleared by the doctor last week to resume with normal exercise, and get this. Oh my God, what I'm about to say next is sooo shocking to a lot of people, so all you people offended by this site, listen up. What I have done is probably the craziest thing you have ever heard. I put down the cheeseburgers & I GOT A PERSONAL TRAINER WITH MY GYM MEMBERSHIP!!!!!!! I know, nuts right? That you can actually do something about being a big tubbo is surreal.

FUPALICIOUS said...

This is my new favorite website. I found it while thinking of making my own site very similar. I have considered myself an advanced fupa hunter, and promote the sport. Just recently snapped a shot of a fupa playing the crane game for 20 minutes at a pizza restraunt.

Yours truly,
FUPALICIOUS

Fapper69 said...

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP

Anonymous said...

this is great im going on the hunt

Anonymous said...

I'm a FUPA, a big ole FUPA. This site cracks me up! I love laughing, especially at myself.

the sex toys said...

Very worthwhile data, thank you for your article.